We are off to the Caribbean for a week with family before the big move. We were so blessed to have family here to share in such a special day for Malakai.

Moving Day!

The big truck is pulling up any minute!  We are off on another adventure.  Feb 21st we will be flying to Alaska to once again make Anchorage home.  We are excited--though it is always bitter-sweet to move.  We will greatly miss living near family, our church home, our neighbors, and the friends we have made--not to mention the pool and the sunshiny weather!  Aubrey, at 3 years old, is SO excited and keeps telling us how much she loves snow and all the things that go with that.  Malakai will hopefully become a little more flexible through this transition!  They're here--gotta go!

October 2010

I realize I have not touched the blog in some time.  Thank you so much for checking it and continuing to pray for our family.  I think I have wanted so much to feel "normal" again that things like writing in the blog got put on the back burner.  It always forces me to reflect on all that has happened in our life--and sometimes I just don't want to do that.  

Brian returned to work full time just three weeks after being released from the hospital.  He feels as good as new. Brian expected the doctor to say he could go back to work after two weeks but he encouraged him to take one more week off--so we took a mini-vacation to a resort in Austin.  It was good to get away.  We are still trying to work out what the best activity level for him will be.  A stress echo revealed that his heart isn't handling exercise as well as it should--so for now, the orders are to try and keep his heart below 120 bpm.  We have been able to hike and play some tennis and do yard work at that level.  Contact sports are off limits for now.  I have been amazed at Brian's ability to focus on what he can do and not on what he can't. 

Brian and I have very different ways of dealing with all that has happened.  I do a lot of internal processing and occasional conversations with good friends--but I want distance from the pain and fears of that week and the implications for our future.  I want to focus on the day to day and try and not worry about the future.  Brian on the other hand takes a much more proactive approach.  He has immersed himself with information and connected with people who have walked a similar road.  He joined some organizations made up of people who have HCM or have children with the disease.  These communities provide support and advice for families as well as advocate for heart healthy legislation.  The Sudden Cardiac Arrest Coalition recently flew Brian to Washington DC to share his story with lawmakers.  They are hoping to save lives through awareness and training.  Brian sees his arrest as a platform God has given him to share Christ with others.  And wants to be able to make the best decisions for himself and our children to keep everyone healthy.

This summer, besides adjusting to having a new baby and recovering from a cardiac arrest in the family. . . My parents came out for a nice long visit.  My dad built us a beautiful window-seat in the living room.  My mom and I made the cushion.  We took a last minute trip in September to Nashville to spend time with Brian's sister Lori and her family.  That was a great time. Aubrey started preschool at our church two days/week.  She loves it.  It took her a few weeks to talk to her teachers, but she is settling in well now. At home she is as spunky as ever--and never stops talking!  She definitely has a mind of her own and a strong will for such a sweet little girl.  We went camping with Brian's folks one weekend and I cut Aubrey's hair for the first time.  Aubrey's birthday was Oct. 7th and we had a lot of fun celebrating it.  She brought cupcakes to school on  the 6th, we celebrated as a family on the 7th and then the next Saturday we had a costume party!  

Malakai is really a delight and a blessing in our family.  When I look back on that week Brian was in the hospital and Kai turned 8 weeks old, I am so thankful for him.  He is such a sweet baby and he got a lot easier for me that week--in terms of eating and sleeping well.  I think that sitting and nursing him every 2-3 hours was so good for me in so many ways.  He is just now about 6 months old and I just adore him.  He is so smiley and friendly.  He loves attention.  I am thankful for those two mornings a week when it's just him and me at home.  

I think I'll stop there.  Know that our family is doing well and so appreciative of all the prayers and love you all have shown us. 

Processing

I have been wanting to write on the blog, but it is hard to know what to say.  Brian is doing great. We went in for follow-up appointments with the cardiologist and the electrophysiologist.  Both appointments gave us a good news that he is healing well and will be able to resume an active lifestyle soon.  We learned more about the devise (defibrillator) they installed in his chest.  I liked the point the nurse made that the AICD is meant to help him get out there and live life not to keep him home.  

On Tuesday, we went to Brian's work as a family.  We wanted to thank the women who responded to the emergency and preformed CPR on Brian.  We also just wanted people to be able to see Brian and how well he is doing.  I know that was really important to Brian and I think it helped him a lot.  He is still trying to piece together all that happened to him.  It was pretty emotional to meet one of the girls that initially saved Brian's life.  I know what I went through and I can imagine what Brian went through, but I realized that the event must have been pretty traumatic for those that were there in a whole different way.

Though I was so excited to have Brian home from the hospital and healing so well, I was unprepared for the tidal wave of emotions that hit me over the next week or so.  There has been much to process.  I avoided the thoughts and fears that were lying just below the surface for a few days.  Brian asked me to share my heart with him--knowing that it must have been hard for me, but it took me a couple of days to be able to do that.  Brian and I were on such opposite sides of this event that it is almost like we experienced two different events.  Never before in our marriage have we not been able to be there together through the trials.  

Still, God is faithful in all of this.  He continues to teach me not to live in fear and to give my cares to him.  Brian feels that God has given him a second chance at life and want to live for what is important.  We see God's glory all around--in saving Brian's life, in walking with us through the trial, in providing sleep when sleep seemed impossible, in the support we've received from the community, in the new depth of love in our family, and in new perspectives.  We are thankful for life–-not only this life here and now, but we can look ahead to eternity because of our Savior who bore our sins on the cross.  

Brian's Perspective

It has been about two weeks since the incident. This whole ordeal was actually tougher on others than it was on me, though. I've been well taken care of – starting with CPR, getting shocked, getting accompanied in the ambulance, being visited in the Houston Medical Center by many, brought meals after coming home, etc. There are some strange discomforts still - like unusual muscle twitches and the tight skin around the defibrillator, but other than that I'm just moving slow and not allowed to lift my arm over my shoulder.

I wish I had something really profound to say, but instead I will right down a few of my thoughts:

As I was waking up, I kept thinking I was dreaming and just couldn't wake up. I remember all the details of the hospital room. I woke up in the same place about 5 or more times before I realized it was not a dream. That's when I started to realize something was wrong.
About half a day or more after I realized something was wrong, I started to understand that whatever I was going through was a fairly big deal. At that point I thought about Julie and the kids and thought I should really try to get better for them.
Every time I truly think about the thought process Julie has been through, it is very difficult. There were two days when she did not know if I would be OK, was given some information that I might not be OK, and I can't imagine the difficulty of that situation.
People have poured out support for me and my family. Here in town, we've had lots of visitors both before and after I was aware of their presence at the hospital. Family came in from out of town. It was pretty confusing waking up and seeing so many old friends and family at the hospital. I soon realized they were only there because my health was so poor, which is humbling.
I read through the blog that Julie wrote and the comments from people all over. It was emotional to see what people wrote and how people care.
God has protected us in a very real way. We are praying he uses this situation for a greater good…

Home Sweet Home!

Happy Father's Day!

The Anniversary Dinner. . .

Happy Anniversary!

Brian is home!  He had a couple of procedures yesterday--a closer look at his heart and then the installation of an AICD, Automatic Internal Cardioverter Defibrillator (or something like that.)  They had to recheck the device today and then released him to go home.  We will be taking it easy for a couple of weeks (at least) and enjoying some family time. 

I can't even begin to describe the emotional roller coaster this week has been, but through it all we can see God's hand.  We continue to trust in God's plan for us.  Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers--God heard and answered.  We are so thankful.  

Brian doing well

Thank you for reading our blog.  I really appreciate all the messages of encouragement.  I have been telling Brian about them, but it will be a blessing for him to read them when he gets home.  Brian is doing really well--anxious to get home.  He will be there at least through Tuesday.  They are doing a couple of procedures Monday and Tuesday and then he can go home Wednesday--possibly even Tuesday night (assuming all continues to go well.)  We feel so supported and loved.  Brian was able to walk down the hall yesterday and then walk out to the waiting area to spend a little time with Malakai (now 8 weeks old.)  We shared a hospital meal for our anniversary--it was very sweet.  He is in good spirits today.  I am feeling a little overwhelmed with the housework and cranky kids, but my kids need a more normal day at home today.  My mom and brother are here helping out and Brian's sister is on her way over as well with her little one.  I still can't believe all that has happened in the last few days, but I know God is good and his hand is truly on our family.