We have been having some pretty rough nights lately, though last night may have been a breakthrough. Last week we went to this Aquarium in Houston for a fun family outing. It a really neat day. One of the coolest things this place has are these white tigers. We were able to watch when they switched the tigers out--they seem to just have one on display on at a time. The first tiger was getting pretty excited for her big moment to leave and with lots of people watching on the other side of the glass. Aubrey was standing right up close to the glass with Brian behind her and the tiger wanted to play. It crouched in the corner then all-of-a-sudden jumped up on the glass right at Aubrey, standing taller than Brian! Aubrey jumped back and fell on her bottom, Brian jumped back--it was all very funny. We got a ticket to play a carnival game for free and Aubrey won two little stuffed tigers! Aubrey was pretty worn out from our big day and slept great that night. The next night, however, she woke up with nightmares. I finally got her to tell me what she was thinking and she said, "Tiger jump up, tiger jump up, big tiger jump, Daddy Aubrey, Daddy Aubrey." This repeated itself the next few nights but I think she has finally forgotten (we hid the toy tiger.) Our great little sleeper has been having lots of trouble sleeping in her bed lately--sometimes I wish she was still in her crib. I am hoping we are on the back side of this for a while though now.
I am in a Beth Moore Bible study Thursday mornings. I am loving it. This morning was a little emotional for me though. Aubrey and I battled over her medicine before we left the house. We were both crying after that. Then the whole drive to the church Aubrey was saying "Mommy no. No, no Mommy. Go home." We get to Aubrey's class room and there is a little boy screaming in there. Aubrey loses it. I nearly do as she is clinging to me and not wanting to go. Then I find out she cried off and on the whole time last week. I reluctantly leave her in the arms of the very nice lady. Then head down the hall and the woman in charge of the child care stops me and explains what the little boy's background is and assures me they will call if Aubrey doesn't stop crying. I start crying again, as this lady is reassuring me that she'll be fine. She checks in on her before I head to class and she's already doing fine. After our discussion time, we watch Beth on video. She talks a lot about fear and I always relate everything to Aubrey's heart. The heart of the issue that she drove home was what God has been teaching me all year. It isn't enough to trust God that the thing I fear the most won't happen--most of the things I fear won't happen and some may--maybe even that thing that I fear the most. God tells us not to fear--more than anything else he commands in the Bible. As Esther faced her biggest fear, "If I parish, I parish," I need to be able to answer that "if ______ then, _____" with God. If my biggest fear happens I KNOW that my God will be with me and ultimately I will be okay.
In the trials we have faced so far--God has brought us through. We have witnessed friends walk through the trial of losing a newborn and painful as it was and is, God brought them through. God is good and he is still working on me in this area, but I feel like a few things clicked into place this morning.
When I picked Aubrey up she was so happy--she said she had fun. The head lady came up to me and told me they had a great day, Luke (the little boy) stopped screaming and played the whole time and Aubrey never started crying again either. What was I worried about?
