Processing

I have been wanting to write on the blog, but it is hard to know what to say.  Brian is doing great. We went in for follow-up appointments with the cardiologist and the electrophysiologist.  Both appointments gave us a good news that he is healing well and will be able to resume an active lifestyle soon.  We learned more about the devise (defibrillator) they installed in his chest.  I liked the point the nurse made that the AICD is meant to help him get out there and live life not to keep him home.  

On Tuesday, we went to Brian's work as a family.  We wanted to thank the women who responded to the emergency and preformed CPR on Brian.  We also just wanted people to be able to see Brian and how well he is doing.  I know that was really important to Brian and I think it helped him a lot.  He is still trying to piece together all that happened to him.  It was pretty emotional to meet one of the girls that initially saved Brian's life.  I know what I went through and I can imagine what Brian went through, but I realized that the event must have been pretty traumatic for those that were there in a whole different way.

Though I was so excited to have Brian home from the hospital and healing so well, I was unprepared for the tidal wave of emotions that hit me over the next week or so.  There has been much to process.  I avoided the thoughts and fears that were lying just below the surface for a few days.  Brian asked me to share my heart with him--knowing that it must have been hard for me, but it took me a couple of days to be able to do that.  Brian and I were on such opposite sides of this event that it is almost like we experienced two different events.  Never before in our marriage have we not been able to be there together through the trials.  

Still, God is faithful in all of this.  He continues to teach me not to live in fear and to give my cares to him.  Brian feels that God has given him a second chance at life and want to live for what is important.  We see God's glory all around--in saving Brian's life, in walking with us through the trial, in providing sleep when sleep seemed impossible, in the support we've received from the community, in the new depth of love in our family, and in new perspectives.  We are thankful for life–-not only this life here and now, but we can look ahead to eternity because of our Savior who bore our sins on the cross.  

Brian's Perspective

It has been about two weeks since the incident. This whole ordeal was actually tougher on others than it was on me, though. I've been well taken care of – starting with CPR, getting shocked, getting accompanied in the ambulance, being visited in the Houston Medical Center by many, brought meals after coming home, etc. There are some strange discomforts still - like unusual muscle twitches and the tight skin around the defibrillator, but other than that I'm just moving slow and not allowed to lift my arm over my shoulder.

I wish I had something really profound to say, but instead I will right down a few of my thoughts:

As I was waking up, I kept thinking I was dreaming and just couldn't wake up. I remember all the details of the hospital room. I woke up in the same place about 5 or more times before I realized it was not a dream. That's when I started to realize something was wrong.
About half a day or more after I realized something was wrong, I started to understand that whatever I was going through was a fairly big deal. At that point I thought about Julie and the kids and thought I should really try to get better for them.
Every time I truly think about the thought process Julie has been through, it is very difficult. There were two days when she did not know if I would be OK, was given some information that I might not be OK, and I can't imagine the difficulty of that situation.
People have poured out support for me and my family. Here in town, we've had lots of visitors both before and after I was aware of their presence at the hospital. Family came in from out of town. It was pretty confusing waking up and seeing so many old friends and family at the hospital. I soon realized they were only there because my health was so poor, which is humbling.
I read through the blog that Julie wrote and the comments from people all over. It was emotional to see what people wrote and how people care.
God has protected us in a very real way. We are praying he uses this situation for a greater good…